A Mother's Day note from Brady's Mom

Living in New England one of the things you can never be sure of is the weather. Unpredictable, but often beautiful in its own way, it is a force unto it's own that no meteorologist has mastered. You can make plans and work around expectations but you don't know if you will be wearing the snow boot, galloshes, or flip flops.At no point has being a mother been what I expected. Initially I expected sleepless nights and daytime frustration frantically wondering "why is he crying?!" As time went on I expected we'd be having big celebrations for Brady's first holidays, special seasonal outings, lots of cousin time and stressing out when he fell and hit his head or bit his lip for the first time. I expected homemade mashed up food concoctions and big baby messes. I expected a learning curve when it came to balancing work and being a mom. I didn't expect an easy going infant who only cried for a bottle during daytime hours and would fuss just a bit if he wanted a nap. I didn't expect a baby that was happy ALL the time.

I also didn't expect to lose that sunny smile. I didn't expect that the milestones we would be recording would be reduced trach suctions in a nursing report instead of the day he crawled for the first time in a baby book. I didn't expect to spend my days counting seizures, strapping my baby into braces and feeding him special formula through a g-tube. I didn't expect that my stress as a mother would come from worrying if my son's oxygen saturation is going to drop or wondering if his body's floppy presentation is due to all of the potent pharmaceuticals that he is on. As much as a parent plans, hopes and prepares you never really know if you will wake up to a sun shower or a torrential downpour. It falls upon a mother (and father) to have the umbrella and galoshes ready to make dancing in the rain a bit drier and more comfortable for your child. It falls upon a mother to remember that you need to wait out the rain to experience a rainbow. Brady has already blessed me with the opportunity to experience so many different facets of motherhood in such a very short amount of time. There has been rain...a lot of rain...but there have been glimmers of color from rainbows too. The same as all mothers experience. The joys of your child smiling up at you for the first time, the disappointment of a situation not going the way you wanted for your baby, feeling elated as you watch your child make progress, the sting of a struggle that doesn't get better for him, the pride of your child making a difference for someone else, the worry of making the right choice for your son and the realization that knowing what is best for your child does become an innate, special bond. While some of these experiences are the ones you live for, some are indeed heartbreaking. It has already been a gift of Brady's to learn and experience so much in so little of a time frame. With the struggles come life lessons and chances to do better each time.

Brady has made me a mother who is grateful, through and through. I appreciate a cough like he has hit a home run out of the little league diamond. I get excited when his legs are loose enough to easily bend as though that means he is ready to run a marathon. I am grateful that I have had the luxury of remaining by Brady's side through everything to shield him from as many rain drops as I can catch. This mother's day I feel privileged that I am the one that gets to be Brady's mama. I am looking forward to a lifetime of muddling through the storms with him and reveling in the rainbows that follow.